Last Mango in Paris
Ages ago on the Turbulent Soundscape forum, a bunch of bored film fans started trying to outdo each other with the challenge of taking a film, changing one letter only of the title, and coming up with a tagline for the new invented movie. To start with, I list all the ones that other clever sods came up with, then there are mine. Enjoy, and feel free to play :)
The ones I can’t take responsibility for…
Southern Heiress runs off with tramp in GONE WITH THE WINO
Shortage of exotic fruit in the French capital in LAST MANGO IN PARIS
Arctic explorers menaced by a Rasta from space in THE TING
Cricket from the Dark Side in THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK
1024x768 or 800x600 pixels Mr Anderson? in MATRIX RESOLUTIONS
A philosophical view of the Vietnam War in PLATO ON
Angry obese people in re-inforced roadsters in 2 FAT 2 FURIOUS
What we really think of American police assault units in T.W.A.T.
Premature ejaculation in the back of a stolen car in DONE IN 60 SECONDS
Nordic serial killer re-enacting Milton in SVEN
A man realises his bride is ugly in The WEDDING MINGER
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the synagogue...JEWS
Ms Jolie gets the worst assignment ever in WOMB RAIDER
Deadly martial-arts rodents on the loose! in MORTAL WOMBAT
Obese programmers get hitched in MY BIG FAT GEEK WEDDING
The lead singer of a shitty boy band searches for the evil warlord who killed his parents and enslaved him in RONAN THE BARBARIAN
Every man’s dream date in SEX PIES AND VIDEOTAPE
Clint Eastwood goes fox hunting in the mountains in WHERE BEAGLES DARE
Adventures of an unscrupulous bank manager in HIGHLENDER
Teenage witches express preference for heavily-processed cheese in THE KRAFT
Imotep is released, but can’t work out how to get out of his pyramid in THE DUMMY
A deluded anarchist tries to topple civilisation by jumping out at people from behind walls in FRIGHT CLUB
A hobbit saves the world from the evil queen by rolling around in a muddy puddle for 90 mins in WALLOW
The world gets taken over by the hearing impaired. I said, the world gets taken over by the hearing impaired in DAWN OF THE DEAF
Solve the puzzle-box to summon the PC technician in DELLRAISER
A top-secret military vegetable goes missing in BROKEN MARROW
Michael Jackson finally closes the doors to Neverland in THE LAST BOYS
A business man suddenly finds himself as a pauper struggling for survival in LOST HIGHPAY
A man and his simple-minded friend roam America selling burger ingredients in OF MINCE AND MEN
Idiot goes native with American Indians in DUNCES WITH WOLVES
Noble warriors, on victory, retrain as overly-competitive hairdressers in LEAST OF THE MOHICANS
Competitive but unhygienic animal shows, hillbilly style in BEST IN SOW
Alternative bombing options don’t exactly lead to military supremacy in A FRIDGE TOO FAR
Daniel Day Lewis’ career slips further from his grasp in THE UNBEARABLE SLIGHTNESS OF BEING
Fictionalised history of the inexorable spread of the AIDS virus in GERMS OF ENDEARMENT
The real story of the British race to be the moon in LAST IN SPACE
Timelord gives up saving the planet and pimps out his assistants for better financial gain in DR HO
Porn-alike of classic SF in THE BACK HOLE
And mine…
A mad scientist whose genius leads to a world of bald woodland creatures in FAWNMOWER MAN
The true story behind 'swimming with the fishes’ in THE CODFATHER
The medical condition brought on by wanking over an unconscious Uma Thurman in PULP FRICTION
Livid owner of a shit car decides to get even in MAXI DRIVER
Soldiers, guns and drool in FULL MENTAL JACKET
Russian roulette to find the shaken-up can in THE BEER HUNTER
How far will you go to get your hands on a hidden stash? in NIGHT OF THE MUNTER
A secret cult of out-of-work beach workers fuck with the future in TWELVE DONKEYS
Tom Hanks stars in frankly disgusting porn-alike of crap Stephen King adaptation in THE GREEN MILK
A cute green giant does frankly disgusting things to talking donkeys in SHRIEK
If you drink it, they will come - FIELD OF DRAMS
An obsession with chaps leads to lunchtime duel in THIGH NOON
Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn up the creek, without the proverbial paddle in AFRICAN QUEER
Geordie travesty remake of classic Hitchcock - THE BORDS
Jack Nicholson, bored to tears all winter, annoys the crap out his wife and son in THE WHINING
Johnny Depp, after serious injury, is forced to relax in PILATES OF THE CARRIBEAN
Tom Hanks loses the plot about his fruitless search for a full-bodied Merlot in THE THIN RED WINE
Murdered Japanese girl trapped in Arctic ice crevice returns to wreak vengeance in PINGU
Lovelorn man in Egypt drinks so much he hallucinates in the cinema in THE PURPLE NOSE OF CAIRO
Porn-alike of classic 80s tale of teenage rebellion in GRUMBLEFISH
River-folk start marrying off their children in bulk in SEVERN BRIDES FOR SEVERN BROTHERS
Battle against soulless corporation scales linguistic heights in ROGET AND ME
And some I couldn’t think of strap-lines for….
MINORITY RETORT
GOOD WILL HURTING
APOCALYPSE COW
THE MALTESER FALCON
and AGING BULL
The ones I can’t take responsibility for…
Southern Heiress runs off with tramp in GONE WITH THE WINO
Shortage of exotic fruit in the French capital in LAST MANGO IN PARIS
Arctic explorers menaced by a Rasta from space in THE TING
Cricket from the Dark Side in THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK
1024x768 or 800x600 pixels Mr Anderson? in MATRIX RESOLUTIONS
A philosophical view of the Vietnam War in PLATO ON
Angry obese people in re-inforced roadsters in 2 FAT 2 FURIOUS
What we really think of American police assault units in T.W.A.T.
Premature ejaculation in the back of a stolen car in DONE IN 60 SECONDS
Nordic serial killer re-enacting Milton in SVEN
A man realises his bride is ugly in The WEDDING MINGER
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the synagogue...JEWS
Ms Jolie gets the worst assignment ever in WOMB RAIDER
Deadly martial-arts rodents on the loose! in MORTAL WOMBAT
Obese programmers get hitched in MY BIG FAT GEEK WEDDING
The lead singer of a shitty boy band searches for the evil warlord who killed his parents and enslaved him in RONAN THE BARBARIAN
Every man’s dream date in SEX PIES AND VIDEOTAPE
Clint Eastwood goes fox hunting in the mountains in WHERE BEAGLES DARE
Adventures of an unscrupulous bank manager in HIGHLENDER
Teenage witches express preference for heavily-processed cheese in THE KRAFT
Imotep is released, but can’t work out how to get out of his pyramid in THE DUMMY
A deluded anarchist tries to topple civilisation by jumping out at people from behind walls in FRIGHT CLUB
A hobbit saves the world from the evil queen by rolling around in a muddy puddle for 90 mins in WALLOW
The world gets taken over by the hearing impaired. I said, the world gets taken over by the hearing impaired in DAWN OF THE DEAF
Solve the puzzle-box to summon the PC technician in DELLRAISER
A top-secret military vegetable goes missing in BROKEN MARROW
Michael Jackson finally closes the doors to Neverland in THE LAST BOYS
A business man suddenly finds himself as a pauper struggling for survival in LOST HIGHPAY
A man and his simple-minded friend roam America selling burger ingredients in OF MINCE AND MEN
Idiot goes native with American Indians in DUNCES WITH WOLVES
Noble warriors, on victory, retrain as overly-competitive hairdressers in LEAST OF THE MOHICANS
Competitive but unhygienic animal shows, hillbilly style in BEST IN SOW
Alternative bombing options don’t exactly lead to military supremacy in A FRIDGE TOO FAR
Daniel Day Lewis’ career slips further from his grasp in THE UNBEARABLE SLIGHTNESS OF BEING
Fictionalised history of the inexorable spread of the AIDS virus in GERMS OF ENDEARMENT
The real story of the British race to be the moon in LAST IN SPACE
Timelord gives up saving the planet and pimps out his assistants for better financial gain in DR HO
Porn-alike of classic SF in THE BACK HOLE
And mine…
A mad scientist whose genius leads to a world of bald woodland creatures in FAWNMOWER MAN
The true story behind 'swimming with the fishes’ in THE CODFATHER
The medical condition brought on by wanking over an unconscious Uma Thurman in PULP FRICTION
Livid owner of a shit car decides to get even in MAXI DRIVER
Soldiers, guns and drool in FULL MENTAL JACKET
Russian roulette to find the shaken-up can in THE BEER HUNTER
How far will you go to get your hands on a hidden stash? in NIGHT OF THE MUNTER
A secret cult of out-of-work beach workers fuck with the future in TWELVE DONKEYS
Tom Hanks stars in frankly disgusting porn-alike of crap Stephen King adaptation in THE GREEN MILK
A cute green giant does frankly disgusting things to talking donkeys in SHRIEK
If you drink it, they will come - FIELD OF DRAMS
An obsession with chaps leads to lunchtime duel in THIGH NOON
Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn up the creek, without the proverbial paddle in AFRICAN QUEER
Geordie travesty remake of classic Hitchcock - THE BORDS
Jack Nicholson, bored to tears all winter, annoys the crap out his wife and son in THE WHINING
Johnny Depp, after serious injury, is forced to relax in PILATES OF THE CARRIBEAN
Tom Hanks loses the plot about his fruitless search for a full-bodied Merlot in THE THIN RED WINE
Murdered Japanese girl trapped in Arctic ice crevice returns to wreak vengeance in PINGU
Lovelorn man in Egypt drinks so much he hallucinates in the cinema in THE PURPLE NOSE OF CAIRO
Porn-alike of classic 80s tale of teenage rebellion in GRUMBLEFISH
River-folk start marrying off their children in bulk in SEVERN BRIDES FOR SEVERN BROTHERS
Battle against soulless corporation scales linguistic heights in ROGET AND ME
And some I couldn’t think of strap-lines for….
MINORITY RETORT
GOOD WILL HURTING
APOCALYPSE COW
THE MALTESER FALCON
and AGING BULL
posted by Adele at 4:57 pm
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